Aside

I just checked when I wrote my last entry.

August 18

,it sais.

Hey, that actually reminds me of a song: Summer of ’69. Since, eh, it feels about that long ago since I last posted an entry here. Which is weird considering the fact that I’ve been writing immensely much these last few months. “So, why is it so long ago then?”, nobody asks. I really and honestly don’t know. I kept thinking to myself: “ah yes, this would actually be good blog post”. Mostly when it was related to a quote. Which was of course the whole purpose of this blog to begin with. But you know how it goes, life just takes over. And once a day quite quickly turns in to, well, once in about 8 months… ? First it was my thesis that got in the way, then the job search and finally, the job itself.

And you know what they say about student life being the best time of your life and you needing to enjoy and hold on to it for as long as you can, because before you know it, it will be over and you’ll never be that free again? It’s true, it’s all true. Every last bit of it. I’m sure it’s true no matter how much you love your job. But, what if you don’t? If you like it and think it’s rather okay for the fact you’ve only graduated 8 months ago, but you don’t love it? You find it hard to keep motivated at work, and it gets worse with each passing day? You fantasize about long and pointless conversations about any (just any) subject you’re passionate about, because you’re drained of enthusiasm for the tasks at hand? This new-found lack of freedom can feel penetrating, almost suffocating. Sure, there are moments and people I quite enjoy, but the larger part of my days are spent daydreaming of a time where I will finally be doing something I love again. Something that simply excites me, at least 70 % of the times.

Now, to hell with it. I shan’t complain. Worse things have happened. Guess it’s time to take on one of life’s whimsical challenges, no matter how irritating they can be, and realize that there is almost always a reason for why we feel the way we feel. And that there’s only two things we can do when things go awry: we can deal with them, or if we can’t, then we must accept them. Now, I’d say I’m still flexible, dynamic and perhaps stupid enough to not simply accept a job that doesn’t really make me happy and … deal with it by moving on. Because yes, the times spent at university, just like the summer of 69 for Bryan Adams, may have been “… the best days of my life”, but my life isn’t over just yet. And I’m actually quite enjoying my little pursuit of “an adult life that doesn’t completely erase who I’ve been so far”, unless preferable. So, even though this chapter seems to have run its course, new chapters are already in the making, just waiting to be read and experienced like all the ones before.

To conclude,

Ain’t no use in complainin’
When you got a job to do

unless you could be doing another and better one too, in which case, there may be some use in finding a new one instead.

So, cheers to you all. Maybe I will put some of the stuff up that I recently wrote. Maybe sometime soon.

Maybe. Or not.

Either way, why not sit back and think back of the best days of your life for the time being?

 

Man we were killin’ time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin’ can last forever

 

 

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Have a destiny, will ya?!

I apologize for not writing a post in quite a while, but the last weeks/months of my life were very turbulent. I took about two days of “vacation” after finishing my MA thesis before I got bored and jumped head first into the job and apartment search. For some, not doing the safe thing (moving back home) and instead starting my own independent life right here and now is both too risky and too difficult. But let me tell you, it wasn’t nearly as nerve-wracking as some would like me to believe. There are a number of reasons why my level of fear seems to be “inapproriately low” for a recently graduated person such as myself, but I will only mention one. Destiny. That sense of purpose we derive from instinctively believing in and following our dreams without actually losing sight of reality in the process. Why are so many of us increasingly cynical when it comes to creating (and trusting in) our own destiny?

Well, as Paulo Coelho once uncannily observed, there seems to be a peculiar relationship between believing in our dreams and … growing up. It’s as if we go from the conviction that anything (yes, including Santa) is possible to the detriment of “knowing our limits”. Now, don’t get me wrong. We obviously have limits. I’m never going to be an engineer or an astrophysicist. Also, I fear neither the Easterbunny nor Santa will ever knock on my door and say “guess what, we exist!”. And yet, I think human beings are creators. They may never be able to defy gravity or communicate telepathically (but hey, maybe Google Glass will take care of that one, who knows), but it’s still mind-blowing what people can do if only they’d put their minds to it. If they make it their destiny. Yes, we have limits. But we also have incredible power. Isn’t it sad that children are much more aware of this than most adults?

What makes us so fearful of trying out new things? Why do so many of us nearly die at the thought of taking risks, of spending a bit of time in absolute uncertainty? I’m sure it’s only a small part of the explanation, but still, sometimes I think it’s because we focus on our defeats rather than on our possibilites. Instead of using our imagination to push us forward, we get lost in our stockpile of bad experiences. We remember somebody telling us we’re not particularly fun or talented or driven, and instead of proving them wrong, some of us go “oh well, I guess if you think that, it must be true”. Eurm, no?! That’s one person’s opinion. In life, there’s two ways to respond to the fear of failure: by letting it define you, or by overcoming it.

Actually, there’s this psychologist who’s been treating people with phobias (think snakes and spiders) in (so he says) less than a day, and he found that, if the phobia was cured, these people reported being much less fearful and inhibited in their lives overall. I feel a bit embarrassed for not remembering the man’s name, but really, it doesn’t matter all that much. Because the message here is simple: you become what you think. The more fear gets to your mind, the more it defines the entirety of your actions. Focus instead on your dreams and you might just be able to achieve them (granted, you must retain a certain sense of realism in all of this). I said it before, and I’ll say it again: past experiences shouldn’t kill your future dreams. In no way should they be capable of robbing you of that childhood certainty that you have a destiny.

Destiny isn’t something written in the stars. It’s knowing something’s right for you and not stopping, until you get it. Destiny is self-creation and self-recreation. But, there’s only one way to do that: by having faith in who you are, the negative included. Because you’d be amazed to what positive uses you can put your perceived negative qualities once you stop thinking about yourself in black-and-white terms. Be courageous. You want it? Get it. Defy the odds. Take a leap of faith (in yourself) and jump head first into the unknown. Realize that you are in eternal transformation. And since you and everything around you will never stop changing, you might as well assume an active role instead of passively watching where life takes you next. And whenever you’re about to hold yourself back by believing you’re not good enough for your very own destiny, think of Paulo Coelho and remember this one simple truth:

You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen – Paulo Coelho

Taken from Ms Moem: There Are No Limits To What You Can Do

How To Be The Best Version Of Yourself

Loved this & because it’s so full of positivity, I had to share it with you. Namaste!

Thought Catalog

[fmpub src=”http://thirdparty.fmpub.net/placement/514237?fleur_de_sel=12345″ align=’center’]

Wear clothes that actually fit your body and make you feel good. Don’t buy the t-shirt you feel sort of fat in because guess what? You will always feel sort of fat in it! Furthermore, don’t buy an item of clothing that’s too tight as motivation to lose weight. You won’t do it and the item of clothing will just sit there, taunting you and your body.

Spend less time hate-reading things on the Internet and more time reading things that will enrich your brain. Reread your favorite novel or essay and try to glean something new from it. Read something that will motivate you to create something, that will motivate you to be somewhere different than where you are. When in doubt, just listen to a particularly inspiring podcast of This American Life. That usually gets the job done.

Surround yourself with people who make you want…

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Tick-tock, time’s up!

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. – Douglas Adams

Ah yes, deadlines. And Douglas Adams. I don’t think there’s many writers who’ve ever made me laugh more. If you’ve made it through the introduction of The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy (you’re right, this isn’t a quote from that book) without wanting to read every single book he’s ever written, you must either really hate reading or … humor. But there’s a third option. You might simply not have any time on your hands – which is unfortunately where I’m going with this post.

Time is a horrible thing. You wake up one morning and suddenly it’s gone. You wonder where to. Yesterday, it seemed as if you still had forever, but suddenly months morph into weeks and weeks … let’s not go there. I love writing these posts. I may not have all that many readers, but that’s never kept me from putting in a great deal of effort. Sometimes, it takes me up to three hours to find, write and tweak one single entry, after which I feel so worn out and distracted, I barely know how to continue my 30.000 word (uch) thesis – don’t you just hate priorities?

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now? – Douglas Adams

Thus, for now at least, I simply can’t keep up the one-post-a-day rhythm and am forced to reduce it to about one every three days. Hopefully, if time ever decides to be on my side again, I can go back to writing daily. Yes, I’ve always had a bit of a tendency to put way too much stuff on my plate, but still, I’d rather avoid choking on it. Whoosh. Did you hear that? Tick-tock, I really got to go but before I leave, promise me one thing: read something by Adams. Anything. You’ll love it. If you don’t … not even time can save you.

It has you!

Your memory is a monster; you forget—it doesn’t. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you—and summons them to your recall with will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you! John Irving

No, I in fact did not forget. I meant what I said: one quote a day. However, I’ve noticed it’s pretty hard to come up with anything when you’re having one of those blank mind days, where although you know it’s all up there waiting to be told, nothing really wants to come out. So, instead of writing what I intended to today – don’t worry though, it’s in the making, but I’d rather it doesn’t read like a fifth grader wrote it – I decided to simply pick a quote from one of my most dearly held authors: John Irving.

It’s from A Prayer for Owen Meany, which is probably one of the most magnificent, most magical books I’ve ever read. Stories like these are what inspires any of us to write. And writing is a very hard thing to keep up regularly, even though you try as best you can. On most days, it isn’t so hard – you just have to force yourself to sit down and think until you find your way around that story you’ve been dying to tell. But there’s something more. In fact, the man I talked about yesterday, King, once said:

A little talent is a good thing to have if you want to be a writer. But the only real requirement is the ability to remember every scar.

But on days like today? Honestly, it’s as if my mind’s denying me access to everything, including my most precious memories. There’s no scars, no extreme joy either, only loose associations that pretend to be deep thoughts. And although it doesn’t flatter me to admit any of this, I do it anyway, simply because we don’t have nearly as much control of and insight into our own minds as we’d like to have. So next time you think you’re in control, remember what Irving said: you may believe you have a memory … but really? Much like the Matrix: it has you.

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Loneliness & Time

Alone. Yes, that’s the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn’t hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym. Stephen King

So, today I’d like to talk a bit about loneliness. In many ways, it’s a very personal subject, even though I do have wonderful friends and great parents in my life, but having a good buffer against loneliness doesn’t necessarily protect you from feeling it every now and then. I’m pretty sure you’ve all felt it a time or two, creeping up in the dark hours of the night, or while you’re at the movie’s all alone because your friends were simply too busy to join but you refuse to let that stop you from doing what you enjoy. Yes, you may even be in the most loving of relationships and still, when communication fails for one reason or another, despite being with two, you may feel lonelier than ever. And Facebook surely won’t be of much help.

beach, cute, loneliness, love, teddy

Taken from Favim

But what is it about loneliness? Why can it turn some of the most sparkly people in the world into sobbing little creatures in less than a second? Well, for one, it’s simply dreadful. Apart from the stress it causes and some of the possible resulting health conditions (yes, too much loneliness can even be dangerous), it weighs down heavily on your self-esteem. Feeling lonely equals a complete disconnect from your environment and the people around you, as if you’re stuck inside a bubble, screaming, but remaining unheard. You want to reach out but you don’t, because you feel embarrassed and you’re unable to see just how many people in the world are experiencing the same thing – you’re cut off from yourself, and everyone else.

For another, it’s as if when you’re lonely, something happens to your sensory experiences as well. Just this morning, I read an article written by Robin McKie for The Guardian (which you can find here). It talks about BBC’s Radio 4 presenter Claudia Hammond‘s view on our perception of time, and how it “differ[s] greatly according to circumstances”. She gives a cute enough example: “A watched pot never seems to boil, but go and check your emails and it will be boiling over before you know it”. Personally, I tend to experience this issue most commonly when frying meat – when did it get so black? But then again, in my case time isn’t only elastic, it’s very spongy too. Anyway, Hammond mentions a trial, in which some students were made to believe nobody on their psychology experiment liked them and a bunch of others were told exactly the opposite.

Is your teen an outsider in school?

Taken from High School Mediator

Conclusion? I’m sure you can guess: while time passed rather quickly for the second group, the first “reported times that were far longer than [those of] the test subjects who had been told people liked them”. See what I’m getting at here? It’s absolutely normal for loneliness to have such a deeply agonizing effect on people. Not only do they feel like crap, unloved, undesirable and whatnot, no, they’re quite literally stuck in a bubble, a bubble in which time passes a lot slower than usually. And until they find that picker-upper, that little bit of something that reminds them of their true worth, life may feel so slow it may just as well be running backwards – and in a way it does.

Taken from moonstruck

Memories of that day you spent on the beach drinking with friends, your first true love, the ease that comes with knowing that no matter how deep you fall – your parents, or someone, will be there to catch you. But when you’re alone, when you feel lonely? These moments seem as if they don’t even belong to you, as if you remember a past life or, worse yet, somebody else’s life. Yes, time may, as McKie tells us, “be the most widely used noun in English”. But why then, as King suggests, would “alone” be the worst? Maybe because, while in death there is no time, in loneliness there is simply too much of it. So when someone tells you “don’t worry, you won’t be alone forever”, believe them, but know that this “forever” you’re experiencing isn’t just a figment of your imagination.

Well yes, it’s true that loneliness can’t kill you. And yet, as King remarks, that makes it worse than death – the absence of time – and more excruciating than hell – the absence of everything. For, as Epicurus said already a very long time ago, where we are death is not and where death is we are not. But wherever we are and whomever we are with – the feeling of being completely alone doesn’t mind being there too. So, the best way to beat it? Fill it. With something, anything, that makes you feel alive. If you’re lucky, you’ll be up to speed in no time.

What Are You Reading This May?

Reflections of a Book Addict

It’s that time again! Time to share what we’re all reading this month! I’m still going strong with my new adult kick, adding in some historical fiction and YA novels as well.  A complete list of what I’ve read for the year can be found here.  On the forefront for the rest of May? More new adult and some historical fiction.  I’m currently in the middle of reading Karina Halle’s Sins & Needles, the first book in her Artists Trilogy.  Following that I’m delving into Karen Witemeyer’s new novel Stealing the Preacher, which is slated for release June 1st.  And finally Some Quiet Place by Kelsey Sutton.  The plot of this last book fascinated me so much I couldn’t help but request it for review!

Ok, folks! I’m turning the tables on you. What are you all reading? Share in the comments below!

maywayr

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